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Written by Nick Kotarski
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Wednesday, 20 April 2005 |
An apparently true story.
DEPRESSED MAN DIAGNOSED AS "SCOTTISH"
Alistair McGregor, an expatriate Scottish man living in America, was
recently diagnosed as clinically depressed, tanked up on
anti-depressants and scheduled for controversial Shock Therapy when
doctors realized he wasn't depressed at all.............only Scottish.
Mr. McGregor, a Scottish man whose characteristic pessimism and gloomy
perspective were interpreted as serious clinical depression, was led on
a nightmare journey through the American psychiatric system.
Doctors described McGregor as suffering from Pervasive Negative
Anticipation - a belief that everything will turn out for the worst,
whether it's trains arriving late, Scotland's chances at winning any
international sports event or even his own prospects to get ahead in
life and achieve his dreams.
"The satisfaction Mr. McGregor seemed to get from his pessimism seemed particularly pathological," reported the doctors.
"They put me on everything - Lithium, Prozac, St John's Wort, Ginseng",
said Mr.McGregor." They even told me to sit in front of a big light for
an hour a day or I'd become suicidal. I kept telling them this was all
pointless and they said that it was exactly that sort of attitude that
got me here in the first place."
Running out of ideas, his doctors finally resorted to a course of
"weapons grade MDMA", the only noticeable effect of which was six ours
of speedy repetitions of the phrases "mustn't grumble" and "not too
bad, really". It was then that Mr. McGregor was referred to a
psychotherapist.
"Suicidal?" Dr Isaac Horney explored Mr.McGregor's family history and
couldn't believe his ears. "His story of a childhood growing up in the
drab back streets of a windswept grey town with treeless streets of
identical run-down houses where it rained every day, passionately
backing a football team who never won, seemed to be an idealized
depressive memory-I thought all that was a myth..."
Mr. McGregor had six months of therapy but seemed to mainly want to
talk about the weather - how miserable and cold it was in winter and
later how difficult and wet it was in summer. I felt he wasn't
responding to therapy at all and so I recommended drastic action -
namely ECT or shock treatment".
"I was all strapped down on the table and they were about to put the
rubber bit in my mouth when the psychiatric nurse picked up on my
accent," said Mr. McGregor. "I remember her saying 'Oh my God, I think
we're making a terrible mistake'." Nurse Alice Sheen was a big fan of
Scottish comedy giving her an understanding of the Scottish psyche.
"Classic comedy characters like Chick Murray, Will Fife and The
Crankies, all hopeless cases with no chance of ever doing well or
escaping their circumstances," she explained to the baffled US medics.
"In Scotland, being depressed to the point of suicidal is considered
the norm and is not seen as pathological at all." Identifying Mr.
McGregor as Scottish changed his diagnosis from 'clinical depression'
to 'rather quaint and charming' and he was immediately discharged from
hospital, with a selection of brightly colored leaflets and an "I love
New York" T-shirt.
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 19 May 2005 )
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